That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
