so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it's like iHOP with fire
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
