Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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