Your face is a jimmy john
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
