Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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