Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
