i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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