Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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