he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
