Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
