That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
