So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
