SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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