She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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