Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
