We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
