Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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