We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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