Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
