i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
