Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
