I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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