its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
