Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
