Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
