She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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