i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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