hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
