Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
