Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My ass is underappreciated
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
