I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
