I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
