I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
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My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
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It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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