I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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