If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
