Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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