Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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