I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
