Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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