he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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