I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
