I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
