im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My vagina just recognized that song.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
