That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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