When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
