like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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