I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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