So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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