So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
