i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize