I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
