If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
