We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
