If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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