Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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