I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
