I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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