Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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