We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
