forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
