this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
