i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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