I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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