I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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