just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
