You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Mom said you looked used
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
