her vagine was all disorganized.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
