i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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