And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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