So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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