I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
